There was JOY in being with my dear Alaskan sister Coowe (left), who I love and miss very much.
And JOY in going on a 5 hour horseback expedition with her — even though I hadn’t ridden a horse since I was 12 (and I was scared of horses then). This time it was exhilarating to canter across the tidal flats!
There was JOY too in savoring fresh California peaches, watching the fog roll into San Francisco Bay, and connecting with heart friends and family I hadn’t seen in ages.
I even found JOY trying to sleep on an air mattress that kept collapsing! (Eventually you just have to giggle and accept sleeping on the floor…)
However I found it much harder to accept the profound CONFUSION I felt talking to 2 estranged sisters.
My head swam: How can this be?? It goes against everything I’ve been told… But my gut feels she’s right…
The cognitive dissonance was so strong I literally couldn’t think.
And it reminded me of 2 earlier experiences where I’d been stunned by new information that called into doubt everything I’d believed (and wanted to believe)…
Then on my first day back home, IT HAPPENED AGAIN!
I experienced the exact same mental CONFUSION — “How can this be??” — when someone at my bank confidently gave me wrong information about a disputed bill. Panicked, I acted on it, only to discover later that there was a completely different (and more plausible) interpretation of the facts.
I felt quite chagrined. “OK, what’s going on…” I wondered.
(Could it had something to do with wanting to see only the positive in people and trust them? And my impatience and impulsiveness?)
I decided I’d better ask myself a powerful question:
“What is the hidden GIFT or lesson here?”
If you have any ‘negative’ patterns of your own, this question is great to work with.
And what I uncovered was so unexpectedly beautiful, I want to share it with you:
Direct from my private journal
Notes: “TG” = “Trusted Guidance,” what I call my soul’s voice in me. “Alignment” = process to quickly create deep & lasting change on a subconscious level.
Pamela: Can you tell me about the lessons & gifts from these 2 experiences?
TG: Of course. You already intuit the lesson/gift: as you step into deeper trust and connection, it must be balanced with deeper discernment & appropriate boundaries. You cannot serve at a higher level without this. In the bigger picture, everything is about balance and right order.
P: Great. So is the best way to get this discernment to do an alignment?
TG: Are you open and willing now to be discerning and to set appropriate boundaries — by checking in with your own guidance system?
P. Yes, I’m finally ready & willing, for the first time in my life, I think.
TG: Then you may do the deep magic [= alignment]. Do it now.
P: OK! [joyous]
P: My Goal/belief statement: I now claim my powers of discernment to see warning signs & inconsistencies in others’ behavior and communication. My heart is open, & so are my eyes, & my third eye — I now have the clarity & will to set appropriate boundaries & to speak to the hidden lie, as an expression of divine love & personal power. I am an adult & can & do take care of myself.
[I select an alignment called “Sacred Object”, where you look around to see an object that stands out to you: it has a message for you. You look at it until you receive/intuit/imagine the message.]
As I gaze at it I see it has 2 coils, and is too bright to look at easily, just a bright blob. But as I keep looking I realize: “I CAN discern the details, more and more, the more I look.”
I get the message: “You are like this coil and this lamp.”
The more I look, the more clearly I can see the details of the coil, and also the distinct aura around it. The after-image creates a blind spot before my eyes — but I can see through it, too, as I write. The lamp base is tall and curvy. This lamp is shining brightly, a beacon. And it stands alone.
I get the message: “I have learned my lesson from Brian [my husband, a quite discerning & cautious man]. I have received the gift from him. I am now ready to stand alone.“
[The alignment is complete.]
Final message: “The soul contract Brian and I have with one another is complete.“
P: I’m curious — why am I crying?
TG: Release of emotions, letting go. Let it flow.
[I do, and soon the emotion is gone, leaving a feeling of satisfaction about the work Brian and I have done. “Well done” is the message.]
After doing this alignment, I understood the cognitive dissonance I’d been experiencing:
Perception is everything, and without balance my mis-perceptions cause a domino effect that leaves me overwhelmed, shut down, and to grasping to be in the moment.